This week's true patriot

Greetings Friends,

I want to take this opportunity to introduce you to another American patriot, former LSU Coaching God and current Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban.

Coach Saban turned down an invitation to have dinner with President Bush. Great move Coach! You are my hero!

Now, Coach Saban claims that he turned down the dinner because of his responsibilities at training camp, but we all know the truth. Nick Saban realizes that President Bush is a threat to this country, and Nick Saban never deals with losers.

Also, it's been widely reported that back in the day Bush had a drug problem. Saban has already been burned by Ricky Williams, why trust the President? Thanks for being a positive role model for the kids!

You can read the story here:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2535374


Thank you Coach Saban for being a real American patriot.

-Franklin Willington

Belated Birthday

Greetings Friends,

I have to apologize for missing a recent milestone in the history of Franklin Willington Saves the World. I missed our one month anniversary! I don’t know what to say.

I don’t like to take credit for the downfall of the Bush administration, but let’s give credit where credit is due. Since coming on the scene Cowboy Diplomacy has been declared dead, George Bush came out about his affection for pigs, and we’ve gotten so much closer to world peace. I didn’t do it by myself, but I didn’t have much help until recently.

In the months to come there will be many exciting new things coming. Hopefully Congress will get to work on Franklin Willington day (and with the evidence I’ve presented today, how could they not?). I’m currently working on the planning stages of the annual “Franklin Willington’s Horn of Plenty for All” campaign for this Thanksgiving.

Stay tuned to this exciting time for this blog and for the world, it’s only going to get better!

-Franklin Willington

Wednesdays with Willington: Volume V

Greetings Friends!

Welcome to the much delayed fifth edition of Wednesdays with Willington. I apologize once again for my absence last week. Apparently many of you took notice.

Theodore Trumblebunks writes

Willington,
How many same-sex "couples" did you see while on your little trip? And how many "adventures" with such people did you participate in?


Let me tell you Trumblebunks, it was beautiful to see so many people who have found that special someone. I participated in many events with them, going out to bars, checking into hotels, and talking about the America First God Squad and how they hold us back.

Trumblebunks there is nothing unnatural about same sex couples. They are just as American as you and I. Unlike you, I didn’t have anyone offer to show me their rusty trombone.

Graham writes

Hey Franky,
The other day you mentioned that "I met liberal patriots from Massachussets to Nevada, and let me say that the republicans don't know what hit them." Do you find it Ironic that as all of you bloody liberals were about to embark on St. Louis that they experienced the worst weather in quite some time. Kind of like Katrina. Don't you think it's ironic that they didn't know "what hit them" as you liberals attacked their city for your convention. Look at what you liberals do.


First of all, let me thank the great city of St. Louis for their hospitality. The only problem I had was that our little gathering was held at a religious university. Kind of an oxymoron don’t you think?

As far as you accusation that somehow we liberals brought the wrath of god down on that city, how dare you? Could it be the fact that god was making the city pay attention to the winds of change? Could it be that he was punishing them for being in a red state? How can you even blame us?

First New Orleans was hit by a hurricane…nothing democratic about that. Now New York City and California are plagued with heat waves and power outages…what does that have to do with liberals? Open your eyes God Squader before god comes after you for your sins.


That does it for this week, I hope it was worth waiting for. Conservatives, Frankie's back. It's time to pray for your salvation from my wrath.

-Franklin Willington

REMINDER: Wednesdays with Willington

Greetings Friends,

I want to remind you about the return of Wednesdays with Willington. Please remember to email me your questions. Feel free to ask about my trip or anything political.

-Franklin Willington

Welcome Back

Greetings Friends!

What a wonderful experience I had this past weekend. I've never felt so alive.

I had the opportunity to listen to many great patriots like Gov. Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi. I met liberal patriots from Massachussets to Nevada, and let me say that the republicans don't know what hit them.

Now, some may criticize us for having parties and ignoring a city in crisis following one of the worst storms in its history, but I must say it wasn't all work. We did sit in training sessions learning about how to save America.

Send your questions for Wednesdays with Willington to franklinwillington@yahoo.com

-Franklin Willington

Wednesday with Willington Cancelled

Greetings Friends,

I apologize for my absence, it's been a hectic weekend. I have been preparing for a magical journey to the Show me State.

I, Franklin Willington, will be leaving tomorrow for a liberal convention of fellow lifetime learners. What better place to take our fight than right to the heartland?

As the President says, we have to fight them over there, so we don't have to fight them here. I'm planning spontaneous protests throughout the midwest. Trumblebunks, you've got your notice. I'm heading your way.

Well friends, I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I will be returning on Monday, and it's unlikely I will be able to post until then.

Feel free to email this weeks questions anyway for a very special "Monday with Willington"

Until Monday, keep the faith (in yourself)

-Franklin Willington

War on Freedom Bandz Update

Greetings Friends,

It’s my honor to report to you with an update on the War on Freedom Bandz. Ladies and Gentleman, it is quite clear that our effort is a smash hit so far.

The last few days Wall Street has really felt the effect of my call for a boycott on American goods. The stock market is down over 400 points in 3 days!!!! What else could have such an impact other than the Franklin Willington Saves the World audience?

Also the price of oil is skyrocketing. Why? Because I refuse to buy my gas from American stations. Unfortunately, hybrids still take some gas, but I import all of my gasoline straight from Canada.

Now some might say that instability in the middle east is to blame for this. Clearly those people are part of the America First God Squad conservative media. It’s obvious to any of us objective Americans that Franklin Willington is once again saving America.

Now I know it may get tough, but stay strong in the face of opposition. Only the weak crumble, ask Joe Lieberman.

Now just a reminder to my fellow Louisiana liberals, tomorrow is election day in a lot of parishes. Remember, no matter what anyone tells you, you’re voice will best be heard by not voting tomorrow. It’s the only way to get Congress to take notice. We won’t vote until you make Nov. 23 Franklin Willington day!

Keep the faith (in yourself)

-Franklin Willington

Holy Injustice

Greetings Friends!

What a great time for justice! First the supreme court ruled that President Bush couldn’t create military tribunals for prisoners at Gitmo and now the Pentagon has announced that they will be extending these poor folks the rights granted to them under the Geneva Convention. Take that Bush. Just like Time said, Cowboy Diplomacy is dead!

But not all is right at Gitmo, which is why I believe the prison should still be closed. You see, we still allow these folks to practice their religion in a government ran detention facility. Haven’t these foreigners heard about the separation of church and state? Do they not care about the rights granted to me under the constitution?

If anyone in any government ran facility is practicing religion it must be stopped. I don’t care if it’s on the northern most tip of Alaska or in Cuba, like Gitmo. We must stop this blatant violation of my constitutional rights!

On the same note, why do we allow prisoners anywhere to practice religion in a government run facility? We’re paying with our tax dollars to house these inmates, and I don’t won’t my money going to helping some murderer “find Jesus.” In order to get tough on crime, we’ve got to get tough on Jesus. Remember, he was a criminal himself. How do we know that “talking to Jesus” isn’t just code for some big crime spree they’re planning?

Like I said, get God out of our prisons. Both the illegal detention camps for foreigners who have no right to prove their innocence, and legal prisons housing predominantly poor minority citizens.

-Franklin Willington

Wednesdays with Willington: Volume IV

Greetings Friends,

Welcome to another edition of Wednesdays with Willington. Tonights two readers provided multiple questions.


Theodore Trumblebunks writes:

If you like hybrids so much, fine, but why won't you drive an American car?

What American hybrid do you propose I drive? The only one I can think of are trucks, and they aren’t very good hybrids. Let’s face it Teddy, the Americans are behind the rest of the world in automotive engineering. Even if they weren’t remember that I’m boycotting all American made products until all patriotic products are made overseas.


Do You Yahoo!?

What a ridiculous question Trumblebunks!?!?!?! Did you read my email address? Of course I use yahoo.

Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.

I already am my own boss Ted. Remember, I’m a lifetime learner. Are you trying to tell me I need to go into business?


Jack X writes:

Dear Frank,
What is the biggest tree you've ever hugged? He he he.

What a smug question. I hug trees every chance I get. The good thing is that trees can’t talk back like women. I really love trees. To answer your question, I’ve hugged the great American Redwood.


Ok, a more serious question. What do you think of the proposed video game law banning violent games to minors in Louisiana?

I think it’s awful. We need to train our kids to be killing machines without guns. I propose that we hand these games out to little kids starting in about fifth grade. They’re going to do it anyway, so why not train them to be an international fighting force for the United Nations.



Thanks for the emails. I invite more of our readers to participate in Wednesdays with Willington. It's easy, just send any question to franklinwillington@yahoo.com

Thanks again,

-Franklin Willington

REMINDER: Wednesdays with Willington

Greetings Friends,

I just want to remind you that tomorrow is another episode of Wednesdays with Willington. I hope you will send in your questions and that I can provide the insight you need.

Send your questions to: franklinwillington@yahoo.com

-Franklin Willington

Winning the War on Evolution

Greetings Friends,

Today I took a trip to the local public library. These great institutions of knowledge stand as pillars of our society.

I’m proud to report that in this area we have defeated the America First God Squad. Books on Evolution can easily be found, along with other scientific topics. I’m going to overlook the fact that there are religious and patriotic themed books….for now.

It’s time for conservatives, like Trumblebunks, to admit that evolution is an accepted fact. That’s why I’m proposing the Franklin Willington Law of Evolution. I’m hoping this passes the appropriate authorities in time to be officially announced on Franklin Willington Day (Nov. 23.…remember that Congress!!!!!!!!)

Now that we’ve established that Liberals have won the debate on this scientific issue, I propose that we consider the debate on cloning resolved. I’m willing to offer my own DNA for the first human clone. If nature can get it right this right the first time around, just imagine what science could do with me. Can you say “Franklin Willington clone army?”

Be sure and take a trip to the library and thank your librarians. Check out a few religious books and burn them. It’s the least we can do to help such a noble institution.

-Franklin Willington

The Masterdebater Series

Greetings Friends,

What a weekend! I am pleased to tell you that I spent the weekend recharging my batteries after kicking conservative ass last week during fourth of July celebrations.

I am also pleased to announce a new idea: The Master Debater Series. I am challenging Theodore Trumblebunks to debate me once a week.

He, or our readers, could pose a topic that you would like to hear both of our unique points of view on. I am even willing to allow Trumblebunks to post his argument here, on Franklin Willington Saves the World.

I know what you're thinking, Trumblebunks will never agree to take me on man to man. Members of the America First God Squad, like Trumblebunks, never stand for an ideological fight. Probably because they know they are wrong.

Trumblebunks, the world awaits your response. What are you afraid of? Anyone can talk, but it takes a true Patriot to be a Master Debater.

-Franklin Willington

A National Tragedy

Greetings Friends,

The response to the War on Freedom Bandz has been electric. Thanks to all of you who are joining me in boycotting American made products. There’s still time for the rest of you to jump on the bandwagon.

Today I’d like to address an issue that hits home for me. Presidential birthdays.

As many of you know, George W. Bush turned 60 yesterday. The media celebrated his birthday as if he was some sort of hero.

The media never reports on LBJ’s birthday. Why isn’t Clinton’s birthday already a national holiday? I’ll tell you why: It’s the America First God Squad news media.

That’s right folks, the main stream conservative media worships the ground Bush walks on while forgetting who the real heroes of this nation are. They may even remind you when George Washington’s birthday is. What a disgrace.

It’s time we call for action. I call on all liberals to boycott voting until we have liberal holidays. I call on Congress to make Nov. 23 national Franklin Willington day. I’ve done my part to save America, and it’s time they say thanks.

Stay strong. Don’t buy American, and don’t vote!

-Franklin Willington

Wednesdays with Willington: Volume III

Greetings Friends!

Welcome to another week of Wednesdays with Willington:


Theodore Trumblebunks writes:

Now that North Korea has shown a provocative action toward us, do you and the rest of the pussy liberals oppose fighting them? Or will you actually approve of this war?

Trumblebunks why should you care? Supposedly they can only hit the west coast, I’m surprised you aren’t begging them to fire. But I agree with you, we shouldn’t attack them. I knew you’d come around eventually to a more pacifist position. Hope you had a happy Dependence Day.


Jack X writes:

What do you think of Governor Corzine and his behavior in New Jersey?
Sincerely,
Jack X

Well I see that Corzine plans on raising the sales tax from six to seven percent. I personally think that’s deplorable. If you are going to raise taxes, you should at least double the amount that you are taxing people. The state legislature MUST give in to a 12% sales tax. Cheers to Corzine, BOO to the New Jersey state legislature.


Thanks for your submissions. I hope you are all joining me in my boycott of American products as part of my "War on Freedom Bandz." Expect more on that in the days to come.

-Franklin Willington

Greetings Friends!

Happy Dependence Day!

This is the one time a year where I set aside time to celebrate the people’s dependence on the Federal Government.

I always love Dependence Day. It’s the one day a year I am proud to be an American.

Later today, I will be meeting with the members of my cultural sensitivity class to protest for greater government involvement in corporate interests. The looks on the faces of the kids we hired for the day makes all of it worth while.

I am planning to cook government commodities for lunch, anyone who wants to come celebrate their dependence on the government is welcome to join my rent-a-family.

Happy Dependence Day one and all!

-Franklin Willington

The War on Freedom Bandz

Greetings Friends,

As you know, during my recent trip to Kmart I was shocked to see that patriotic Freedom Bandz were made in China. After some contemplation, I have decided what course of action my readers should follow.

I am calling on you to join me in boycotting all American Made products. Until all Patriotic products are made overseas, none of us will buy anything with the "Made in the U.S.A. label."

Fortunately, this will still allow us the convenience of shopping at most major stores like Wal Mart.

O'Reilly boycotted the French and we all know how that crippled their economy. America, until all patriotic materials are made overseas, I am afraid we have no choice but to do the same.

Our goal is to drive patriotism overseas! Join me, Franklin Willington, in boycotting all American Made products! Be sure and write in and tell me how your protest is going! franklinwillington@yahoo.com

-Franklin Willington