Thursday, June 22, 2006

Spreading Freedom the American Way

Greetings friends,

Today I made a trip out to Kmart. The only one near here is in the land of the America First God Squad in rural south Louisiana. I loaded up the Prius and made the trip.

After not finding anything we had stopped off for, I went to check out and while standing in the checkout line I saw a package that would even make my dear friend Theodore Trumblebunks shiver.

There hanging from the register were "Freedom Bandz." Normally I would be appalled at such a display of patriotism. There were three bands in the pack: two red, white and blue with different messages, and one with camo that read "Support our troops."

As you can imagine I was outraged. I began to scream at the clerk “How dare you shove your patriotism in my face.” All of a sudden an idea came to mind and I turned the package over to reveal the message I suspected: MADE IN CHINA.

That's right, we've now outsourced the making of “Freedom Bandz.” And for that I am thankful. With every purchase of a package of Freedom Bandz we're increasing our trade deficit with China. Think about that the next time you buy your Patriotic products. George Bush said we would spread freedom throughout the world, and for once I can say that he kept his word.

Like I said before: THERE'S NO ROOM FOR PATRIOTISM OR GOD IN THIS COUNTRY (that's why we’ve outsourced it to China).

Freedom Bandz wearers, why do you hate American made products?

-Franklin Willington

4 comments:

Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. said...

Why do you hate America? And patriotism? And freedom? Stop cutting and running away from the question!

Franklin Willington said...

Ted,

Do you check the labels on everything you buy?

Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. said...

I buy pro-American goods, or goods sold in the free market. Why do you hate America and the free market?

Franklin Willington said...

Why do you hate American made products?